Conflict is an inevitable part of life, and it is important to learn how to deal with it effectively. When conflicts arise, it’s easy to adopt an we-against-them mentality, but this approach often backfires. Instead, we must overcome three key hurdles to more effectively Dialogue and more effective conflict resolution: Identity and Belonging.
Understanding Your Own Identity
The first obstacle to effective conflict resolution is identity. In conflict situations, our emotions often run high because our core values ​​and beliefs are at stake. To resolve conflict effectively, it’s important to have a clear understanding of who you are and what you stand for. Take time to reflect on your values ​​and beliefs, and make sure you understand what drives you to take a particular position on an issue. With this understanding, you can better maintain your balance and focus even when the other person tries to challenge your beliefs.
Showing Appreciation
The second obstacle to effective conflict resolution is appreciation. It may be easy to ignore the other person’s point of view during the height of conflict, but this approach is unlikely to resolve the conflict. Instead, take the time to really listen and understand the other person. ask questions and try See value from their point of view. By showing appreciation for the other party, you may create a stronger emotional connection that will make conflict resolution easier.
Finding Common Ground
A third obstacle to effective conflict resolution is affiliation. When we handle conflict the way I versus them, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Instead, try to find common ground with the other party. Transform each other from adversaries to partners in finding solutions together Satisfy both of your interests. By changing the nature of the conversation, you will be better able to resolve conflict effectively.
The Power of Practice
By putting these three things into practice, you can change the way you handle conflict. Instead of becoming frustrated and stuck in our-versus-them mindset, you’ll be able to effectively resolve conflict, even if the issue at hand is emotional. So next time you find yourself in Take a step back from conflict, reflect on who you are, show appreciation for the other person, and find common ground. With the tools in your arsenal, you’ll be better able to effectively resolve conflict and move forward.
In conclusion, conflicts are an inevitable part of life, but they can be resolved effectively. By understanding your own identity, expressing appreciation for the other party, and finding common ground, you can change the way you handle conflicts and resolve them more effectively. The key is Practice these methods and make it a habit so you’re ready to deal with conflict when it arises.
I’ve mostly found that keeping your cool and composure is the your best asset in arguing, and using your words very thoughtfully, as to not offend the other party, and to effectively express your point of view, eye contact is a must, and overall tone and tempo of the conversation. All of these are important. And putting yourselves in the other ones shoes, and trying to see it from their eyes as well, and being understanding of their view points, as long as it falls within reason.
If you have two parties arguing on eye level, this is possible. Most conflicts I struggle with, is with someone, who has zero interest in solving a problem. They want to prolong the problem, so that they have something “to fight for”. It is toxic. They don’t want to have their problems solved, because then they will loose their “why”.
I often try to find logic and most of the time there isnt. The core problem i see is that most people focus on affiliation than identity. 90% of the people i argued with start contradicting their original stance after a few minutes. They dont have a firm principle or understanding of the topic they are arguing over. They just want to own you and call it a win. That is when a sane mind would congratulate them on winning the argument and move on, because nothing good would come out of it.
My parents rarely argue because my mom is dominant and gets emotional and really aggressive quickly, so dad has learned to just keep his mouth shut in exchange for peace. A few years ago, my mom tried very hard to pressure me into having kids and started expressing displeasure at my choice of husband, and blaming him for the misery that I would surely suffer later in life as a childless old widow, all the while refusing to believe me when I told her that neither of us wanted children and that we were contented to not pass on our genes. After going through the same dialogue a few times without any real progress, I realised that she was in fact just really pissed off that I had the nerve to choose my own way of life and did not ask her for permission or approval… I realised that underneath all that yelling, glaring, finger jabbing, almost-frothing-at-the-mouth display of aggression was a highly insecure and scared person, and I felt sadness and pity more than anger. I told mom that she was welcome to pick up a kitchen knife and put an end to my life then and there, just so that our argument could have a final conclusion, and also because I would never enter into another discussion on this topic again as long as I lived. We have indeed not entered into any further discussion on this topic since then, and mom has mellowed out a bit as well, which you wouldn’t expect from people who are used to alway getting their way and just learned the hard way that the world doesn’t evolve around them. Perhaps she’s planning her comeback moves, or perhaps her mind is more at ease now that she knows I am at the helm of my own ship. Either way, I am proud of myself for keeping my cool and not entering into a yelling match, that wouldn’t have helped.
This quote is one to memorise: “What is your advice for how we can get as many of our interests met at the same time?”
A great question to ask in a conflict situation – humble, yet puts the onus on the other person to find solutions, including to meet at least some of your own (or others’) interests. Of course, if the person is forceful or self-centred, they might propose a solution which grants 90% of their needs, and less than 10% of others’, but at least they have started to consider the other point(s) of view. Be patient, and listen. Then ask them to listen to you while you propose your own solution. Hopefully you will eventually come up with something which satisfies your own minimum requirements, while also getting the other’s grudging consent to their own minimum requirements (what is the minimum though – often it’s negotiable!)
If things don’t work out, perhaps you’ll walk away – or agree to discuss again another day – but having listened to each other, you can do so more amicably. It’s hard (for sane people) to remain enemies with somebody who looked you in the eyes and made serious attempts to understand you and achieve your goals.