One of the key components of a healthy relationship is a positive attitude towards being single. The more content we are with being on our own, the more discerning we can be in our search for a new partner. A strong foundation of contentment with being single is the cornerstone of true love.
Despite this, our society doesn’t do much to encourage people to be comfortable in their own company. Singledom is often portrayed as an undesirable and temporary state. The notion that someone might choose to be single, possibly for a long period of time, is a concept that is foreign and even frightening to a world that is largely populated by unhappy couples seeking validation that they have not made the wrong choice. Advertisers reinforce the idea of what singles are missing by constantly bombarding us with images of happy couples on beaches, while entertainment venues, holiday destinations, and social events often overcharge and belittle anyone who attends alone.
The Dangers of Emotional Hunger in Dating
The problem with this is that feeling unhappy and lonely while single can severely impact our judgement in choosing a partner. When we are emotionally hungry, we may rush into a relationship with someone who is not right for us, just like a starving person will eat anything. Ultimately, we may come to realize that being in a poor relationship is even more lonely than being single.
Navigating the Fear and Uncertainty of Being Single
The main challenge of being single is coping with the fear and uncertainty that comes with it. The bearability of being alone is often directly proportional to how “normal” it feels to us at any given moment. Being single can be seen as a break from a busy life, or a sign that we are unwanted, rejected, and emotionally damaged.
However, this is also a hopeful perspective, as it suggests that if we could change our perceptions of what being single means, we could potentially be content with long periods of solitude. To reshape our thinking, we can focus on the following points:
- We have the power to choose whether or not to be single. Our solitude is a choice, not an imposition. No one ever has to be alone as long as they are content with the company they are in. However, the wrong kind of company can be lonelier than being alone, as it is further from what matters to us and highlights our disconnection and misunderstandings.
- Being single is not a rejection from the world, but rather a sign that we have carefully considered our options and made a wise choice.
- We need to have realistic expectations about the time it takes to find the right person. The right partner will be no easier to find than a good job or a beautiful home, and it may take many months or even years. Having a longer time frame in mind will help us to be patient and not rush into a relationship that is not right for us.
- There is no greater guarantee of a successful relationship than knowing that we can manage perfectly well on our own. This means that we will only consider a relationship with someone who truly adds to our lives, rather than settling for someone who simply fills a void.
In conclusion, happy singledom is a crucial element in building a strong and lasting relationship. By embracing our solitude and reframing our perspective on being single, we can lay the foundation for a future filled with love and happiness.